So yesterday, I vlogged about the oldest item in my closet and why I won’t get rid of it. In fact, I’m wearing that sweatshirt right now because it’s cold as all get out right now and… because I can. While digging through my closet to determine what the oldest item was, I realized I have a few other treasures in there.
Since I didn’t vlog about them, I figured I’d shame myself and share them with you. Because that’s the kind of person I am – you always need someone to make you feel better about yourself, right? The sad thing is that this is just a sampling of what is in my closet. I have a feeling a serious session with my Fix ‘n B**ch friends is going to be required.
So. I started off in the drawer that contains my exercise clothing:
Why yes, that is a leotard. For an adult. And bike shorts. do you remember cotton bike shorts? If I recall, I had a few ensembles with legging and bike shorts and leotards and the like. I’m debating possibly keeping the leotard for Little Miss for when she grows – assuming she sticks with gymnastics – but leotards aren’t made from cotton like that anymore. They’re Spandex now. My teenager will already hate me, I’m sure. Forcing her to wear and out of date hand me down leotard from her mother will probably seal the deal, right? And bike shorts are never coming back in style, right?
I moved one drawer up after that to my swimsuit collection. And I do mean collection.
Let’s take a little tour, shall we? In the upper left is a navy blue ribbed one piece Speedo. I may have needed that when I was in high school gym class and our swimming session required that we wear a navy blue one piece Speedo. I don’t see myself having bought that voluntarily. To its right is the last bikini I ever wore. When I was in college. To the right of that is a lovely navy blue tankini top with a floral pattern. I know I once had a navy blue bottom with piping that matched it, but it wasn’t in that drawer. And that swimsuit is pretty ugly anyway, isn’t it? Slightly further to the right is a monstrosity of a one piece bathing suit that should just be burned. I really bought that? And wore it? And then we have the denim tankini. I think this was the first tankini I even owned, back when tankinis only covered part of your midriff. To its left is a similar vintage patriotic tankini. I remember that it was uncomfortably tight around the chest when I wore it 15 years ago. I can’t imagine putting it on now. And finally, we have my maternity bathing suit – another tankini, I’m a huge convert to and fan of tankinis – because I was lucky enough to be pregnant in the summer not once, but twice. I will never be pregnant again, and I haven’t been pregnant for seven and one half years (exactly – today is Little Miss’s half birthday), so I’m not sure why that is still in my possession.
Then I moved into my closet where I found all manner of interesting items. Again, this is just a sampling. There is more. A whole lot more.
This is a suit jacket I used to wear back when I was in management consulting and we were business formal. From 1997-2000. Not only have I not worn it since then, but the skirt that goes with it is not in the closet. And I won’t even highlight the stain I found on the jacket because apparently I forgot to send it to the dry cleaners the last time I wore it. Oh, and did I mention that it’s about two sizes too big, too?
Next up is the reason my husband isn’t allowed to do laundry. This was one of my favorite silk blouses – not that I wear silk or blouses anymore. He washed it. In the washing machine. And then he dried it. It wasn’t the first item of clothing of mine that he ruined, but it was the last – if only because he’s forbidden to touch the washing machine now. This isn’t even worth donating because the silk is ruined, but yet I hold onto it. Maybe it’s a subliminal punishment of my husband hidden in the back of my closet?
I used to love waffle knit henley’s. I have four or five of them, probably. I would wear them all winter long when I wasn’t at work because they were comfortable. Apparently I was so exhausted from my consulting hours that it never dawned on me that these were hugely oversize and too big for me. My husband and I could both wear this shirt at the same time, comfortably. And yet it’s still in my closet.
I love this shirt. It’s a pretty fawn color, and the cotton is so soft. and the elastic waist at the bottom is actually flattering to me. However, this shirt is the one that alerted me to the fact that any item of clothing designed to hug under a woman’s chest is… not meant for me. I can pull that elastic down and have myself in the proper position, but it slides up and over every single time. It looks ridiculous. It’s designed for teens or flat(ter)-chested women, but definitely not me. I at least learned my lesson from this shirt and have never bought, and rarely even try on, anything designed like this again.
This used to be one of my favorite shirts. Back in high school – or possibly early in college. It was a front runner for oldest item in my closet. I bought it back when The Limited was a relatively new store and pants were high waisted. It’s a shorter top, and it really doesn’t work with the pants and shorts I wear today. I love the blue flower pattern though.
And last up in this fashion show that is not a fashion show because you really don’t want to see me wearing these: a cute aqua tank top. That I wore back when I was young and twenty or so. Again, this is a really short shirt that exposes a lot of midriff… and other things. Back in the day, it was cute on me. In this day and age… not so much.
So what do you have hiding in your closet that really shouldn’t be there? Would you keep any of the items I shared with you? And what should I go out and buy to replace some of the items that I will be donating or throwing out?