Soooo I wrote last Saturday about my goals for the new year. One of the big ones was figuring out what I was going to do about work and just doing it instead of letting the inertia of time carry me along and complaining about it.
I finally made my decision yesterday. I had a plan of exactly what I wanted to do and knew why. In fact, I even wrote the resignation letter, prepared to present it to my boss.
After making my decision, I felt such a sense of peace. I could feel the worry sliding away. There’s a book I’m reading where a character’s partner describes his attitude towards work as, “I just don’t care.” It serves him well — he does his job and does a good job at it, but all the icky things around the job that regularly drive us nuts? He just doesn’t care anymore. I wish I could get to that point, but the fact is that I do care. I care way too much, which is why work/life balance is such a challenge for me.
But after making my decision? Calm. And I didn’t care about the outcome. I knew I had backup, and I was fine with it. I had nothing to lose.
So today when I had my one on one meeting with my boss, I asked for a leave of absence to spend some time with the wee ones.
Surprisingly, my boss completely understood. When I said it would be at least two months, I could see him blanch a little bit, but he was game. I have an approved leave of absence, and I’m thrilled.
To be honest, I was surprised that it was as easy as it was. In fact, I had a trip to the chiropractor this afternoon because the right side of my neck tensed up so much that I currently (this is after the chiro) can’t bend my head forward or to the right. I was expecting it to be more painful, and I detest creating scenes.
I’m not starting the leave immediately, and my boss is grateful that I’m staying to finish up a few critical projects. We still need to figure out the details of it – how do benefits work, what paperwork do we need to fill out, when will I be coming back, and the like.
That is actually going to be the biggest challenge.
My company has moved to a new model of HR where it’s all online. Have a question? Search the HR FAQs. FAQs don’t answer your question? Open up a case and tell them about it… so they can point you to the FAQs you already read.
But me? I don’t care. I have my leave. I have my time, and I haven’t made a commitment one way or the other.
For the next two to three months, I’ll be able to practice being a stay at home mom, knowing that I have my job waiting in the wings if it doesn’t work out. If I’m wrong and need the mental stimulation of the job, it’s still there. If I discover that we can’t survive only on my husband’s salary, I can still regain mine. If I find that the wee ones do better when I’m not around, I can go back.
But right now, I’m not focused on that. I’m thinking about the time I can spend with the wee ones and the energy I can focus on Mister Man for the next couple of months.
Pass the bon-bons, would you?