Dear Icky Lady At The Wedding Last Night Who I’ll Assume Had Too Much To Drink,
Hi there, I’m the one who was in the bathroom stall next to yours at the end of the wedding reception last night. I didn’t get a chance to talk to you, but I’m still stuck with the vision of you in my mind, so I have to share. I’m assuming you just weren’t thinking, so I’m hoping this helps you in the future.
When I first walked into the bathroom, I noticed that there was a roll of toilet paper on the ground between two stalls. Realizing that it was likely that at least one stall was out of toilet paper, I resigned myself the to thought of using that toilet paper. Let me clarify: to using that toilet paper roll after I’d peeled off an inch or so of the paper that had been touching the dirty bathroom floor.
Fortunately, my stall had toilet paper, so it wasn’t an issue. Even taking off the paper that I know was close to the ground wasn’t quite enough to really make me all that comfortable with the idea of using it.
Anyway, I noticed when you entered the stall that you had great red polish on your toes. Normally, this wouldn’t be that unusual, as so many women (including me) wear open-toed shoes. However, you weren’t wearing shoes.
You weren’t wearing shoes walking around outside on the patio where cigarette butts at the very least and broken glass most likely were there just waiting for you to step on them. And you weren’t wearing shoes in the skanky end of the night bathroom. Ewww. That really grossed me out. REALLY grossed me out.
But then, then, you picked up the toilet paper roll off the floor — it must have been your stall that was out of paper — and just ripped of a bit and then used it. Granted, at this point, I was staring at the divider between our stalls in horror. I know you didn’t take off the outside paper that was on the wet dirty nasty floor, not even the first layer. Your feet weren’t quite so bad then, or maybe your feet were more explainable after that.
But then you put it back on the floor again for the poor next woman! I had thought about this when I walked into the bathroom (because I have these weird hypothetical situation conversations with myself on a regular basis) and already decided that if I had to use the icky toilet paper off the floor once I removed the ickiest parts, I would at least have the decency to put it on top of the dispenser after using it rather that simply returning it to the floor to get even grosser. Next time, do you think you could do that?
And maybe wear some shoes when you go into the bathroom?
Thanks so much!
PS I did love your gold heels. I saw them sitting on the counter when I went to wash my hands, so yay — you did at least have some shoes somewhere. I also noticed your gorgeous iPhone sitting next to your shoes. In the empty bathroom. Next time, you might want to find a safer place to leave it. I didn’t steal it (obviously!), but it would be so easy for someone to do so. And wouldn’t that just be the cherry on the cake?