Have you noticed that today’s post came out much later than a normal Friday post? Yeah… me, too. Wanna know why?
Basically, I’m a moron. And I’m ok with admitting that.
I was making some guacamole for lunch today (see, I told you I’ve been making it a lot), and for whatever reason, I was using a chef’s knife. To remove the pit from the avocado, you ram the knife into the pit and twist. The pit pops out clean, and ta-da, you’re done.
But if you use a chef’s knife, it’s really sharp. And it goes deeply enough into the pit and is still sharp enough that when you twist, frequently you just tear off part of the pit instead of popping it out. I know this from experience — previous experience even.
Today though, I stuck the knife into the pit and twisted. It broke off the pit. Twice. The third time, I was talking to the wee ones explaining how to make guacamole when I slammed the knife into the pit for the third time. And “into” the pit might be a bit of a misnomer. I sorta sliced off a portion of the pit. And the knife kept going. Right into my thumb.
Regrettably, I don’t have a picture of the injury. I wasn’t thinking quite that clearly (and I hear that huge sigh of relief, people!).
I did, however, have the presence of mind to put down the knife, poke at the wound to see if it would bleed and then make a beeline for the kitchen sink and blood welled up in and around the wound. The drip, drip, drip of the blood into the sink convinced me that it wasn’t a good idea to go upstairs on the light beige carpet myself in search of a Band-Aid, so I sent Mister Man instead.
My good helper! At first he couldn’t find a Band-Aid, but he persevered. He was such a helper, that he insisted that he open the Band-Aid for me. Except that he doesn’t know how to open it from the top, so he tried to open it by tearing little holes in the sides. As he was walking down the stairs. Slowly walking down the stairs.
Fortunately, I put the Band-Aid on and the bleeding stopped. I then finished the guacamole and ate it, put the wee ones to bed and went to a playdate. My thumb hurt some, but what do you expect?
At the playdate, I bumped my thumb on a car and blood started pouring out from under the Band-Aid. I replaced it and we went home. Where I then started googling “when to get stitches.”
I headed to the ER. Because, you know, I haven’t been there often enough lately.
Shockingly, in the four below zero weather, the ER was pretty quiet. I was seen almost immediately. And they agreed that I needed stitches.
Bummer! I haven’t had stitches since I was two years old and sliced open my finger scraping tomato paste out of a can with my finger (don’t ask). But I’m game. I have no fear of blood or needles, so sewing my hand should be easy!
The irrigation part confirmed my confidence level. It hurt just a little bit, but no biggie.
Then the doctor came in. He had a large needle. Apparently they needed to numb the area. I looked at my hand and tried to figure out where they were going to inject it. All my theories were dashed when he started injecting it right at my knuckle. I watched as a whole lotta numbing stuff started to make my thumb swell out unnaturally to where it looked like a second thumb was growing. Then he moved it to another spot and kept injecting. I had to look at away, as that was just creeping me out.
Then he used his little fishhook to start sewing me up. OUCH! As I started squirming, the doctor asked if I could still feel it. Ummm yeah! He reassured me that he’d hold off and we’d finish up in a few minutes when the numbing agent set in.
Then he proceeded to finish pushing his fishhook through my skin. He pulled the thread through. Then the started tying knots. Ow! Ouch! OWWWWW! When he finished that suture, he walked out until the numbing agent took effect.
When he came back,he poked me with the needle a few time before starting. Good to go! We got the last two sutures in with no issues, and I was ready to go home.
Except now I need to go to the doctor on Monday. Bummer. And I can’t get my hand wet until after my wound check. I can’t wait to see how I figured that out.
So the next time you try to pit an avocado, use a smaller knife. A chef’s knife really isn’t necessary. I promise.