Help Wanted!

June 24, 2009 by Michelle

Tonight, we had friends over for dinner with their children. They’re currently potty training their two year old, and it’s going surprisingly (to me) well. She sighed that changing diapers was her least favorite thing about in child rearing and couldn’t wait for it to be over.

I questioned whether cleaning up puke — something I cannot do — wasn’t worse. That’s something that never seems to end, not even when they go to college. She apparently prefers cleaning puke to poop, who knew.

My husband then joined the conversation stating that if I could find someone to clean the puke, I’d divorce him in a heartbeat. While this statement is nowhere near true — I have no intentions of ever divorcing my husband sans radically out of character actions. Fortunately, he also knows this, which is why the joke was funny.

However, it did get me to thinking. If I were to place a want ad for a husband, what would it look like?

Help Wanted:

Needed, a mature single male for love and warmth in a happy home with two small children and a wonderful woman (I have to toss that in). Must love endless children’s games ranging from blowing bubbles to Candyland to Go Fish and books from wakeup to bedtime. Cooking skills not necessary, but experience with food prep and dish washing is a must. Strong hands for backrubs and opening jars strongly preferred. Ideal candidate must be tolerant, humorous, loving, generous, intelligent, well-read, gentle, patient, kind, honest, and hardworking. Job duties include mowing the lawn, emptying trash cans, ironing, cleaning bathrooms, caring for sick children, ferrying children to and from activities, teaching fertile minds, and pushing swings higher. The ability to get along well with others in unfamiliar situations is a plus, as is the ability to know when to stop talking. No experience necessary. Pay to be negotiated. References required.

So what would your want ad look like? And what am I forgetting?

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  • Susie

    How about employment? You don't want to carry his butt around through life too, do you?

  • Megryansmom

    Change 'mature' to 'responsible' or you'll have hundreds of white haired grandpas replying to your ad. LOL

  • septembermom

    I would add “need to stay awake during the hectic part of the day”. Maybe, I would also add “will watch a chick flick once a week.” Love your ad!

  • Veggie Mom

    Willing to do laundry and dishes. Funny, and a tad on the corny side. Kind to his family. Likes cats.

  • Grammy Suzzy and DJ Doran

    This is a wonderful ad! And the best part is that it IS possible, and it seems you have it all!

  • Michelle

    Susie – You make and EXCELLENT point. Definitely something to add!

    Megryansmom – Yikes, I don't want that. My husband's already older than me; I don't need to increase the age difference.

    septembermom – Good point. He does seem to take naps ummm frequently. The chick flick I'm ok skipping though… I never have time to watch movies!

    Veggie Mom – Yep, the cats part definitely has to be in there. And kind to the family is definitely a must. Good adds.

    Grammy Suzzy and DJ Doran – Yep, I do. Except for the talking part. My husband has a teacher's voice and mentality. There are times he ummm has difficulty getting to the point and loses people (not just me). ๐Ÿ˜‰

  • Pop and Ice

    I think my hubby has spoiled me for all others. I told him he's the last one for me….

  • Melisa with one S

    That's a very romantic want ad.

    Luckily for me since I don't have time to sit here and think of a want ad, I would not use a want ad for a husband (hypothetically); I “got” my husband by good, old-fashioned stalking (in a good, non-scary way) and in a hypothetical situation would do it all over again. ๐Ÿ™‚

    P.S. I would much rather change diapers than clean up puke. But you knew that.

  • Angie's Spot

    Mine would have to include something about “Supporting & encouraging time for me outside of the home.” Other than that, I think you've pretty much nailed it.

  • Michelle

    Pop And Ic – Awww, that's so sweet! I love it.

    Melisa – Well, DUH, of course you'd go for poop over puke. That's a given ๐Ÿ˜‰

    Angie – Ooo, that's a good one. I think that's one that I just take for granted (I ummm have a bit of a strong personality) and neglected it. That's definitely a must – you're right.

  • Angela

    Add “ability to remember, in detail, anything you are asked to pick up on the way from home/at the store/etc.” without thinking that “oh I forgot” is an acceptable excuse… and I think you've got it!

  • Michelle

    Angela – How about just remembering in detail? I could go with that one, although the picking up of things would also be a bonus! ๐Ÿ™‚

  • Vanessa Rogers

    Mine would also have to say “Must love dogs, must want to be McGyver, and must make me laugh.” ๐Ÿ™‚

  • Michelle

    Vanessa – Well, I could leave the dogs off, but those other two — especially the McGyver one — could really come in handy. Good call!

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