I Miss Football

February 9, 2009 by Michelle

I just struggled through my first weekend since August without football. This year, we don’t even have the AFL to get us through (ok ME through) to the draft. Fortunately, I’m a bit behind in my reading, so I was able to catch up on my ESPN, which wasn’t the worst replacement in the world.

By the way, what’s wrong with me that my SIL’s gift of ESPN is so much better than the Southern Living she gave me last year? Good thing my husband helped her choose the magazine this year!

Anyway, ESPN focused on the fan in this issue, and there were some highly entertaining tidbits. I think the poll was my favorite. Examples:

65% of people think God doesn’t affect the outcome of sporting events. 15% think He does. Umm, doing my math there, that’s 20% of people who can’t make up their minds. Really, is it that hard to figure out?

Only 26% of people polled believe the FedEx Cup has a reason to exist (it’s the championship in NASCAR). 47% believe it doesn’t. And more telling, 27% have no idea what the FedEx Cup is. I don’t think I really need to add any commentary there. The whole piece cracks me up.

My personal favorite though was the listing of what percent of people have done various things at a colllege or pro sporting event.

74% have sneaked into a better seat. Really? That’s it? C’mon, admit it, people. It’s ok. And if you haven’t, you really need to learn to. Or you need to quit going to Cubs and Yankees games.

63% have yelled obscenities. And apparently all 63% have sat near me at one venue or another. Sometimes all at once, I think!

31% have caught a ball or puck. Yeah. I believe that one. Much like Clinton had to redefine “is” I think some people taking this poll have redefined “caught.”

30% have lied to an acquaintance in order to attend. Huh? I think I would have said no to this one just because I don’t get it. Am I missing something here? Why lie? Are you trying to get out of other plans or trying to make sure you’re invited?

24% threatened injury to someone. And that someone doesn’t sound like it’s the players or refs, given the far higher percentages there with the heckling, et al. Just keep this percent in mind.

7% have been thrown out of a game. What I’m getting from this is that threatening people isn’t enough to get thrown, considering how many people are tossed for other reasons.

4% have punched someone at a game. Again, people are talking a good game, but only one in six actually follow through on their threats. And I’m guessing that these folks make up a pretty good portion of the 7% getting tossed. At least a certainly hope so.

7% have had sex at a sporting event. Seriously? How? Where? When? And since 4% + 7% < 7%, most of these people are obviously not getting caught. Orrrrrr people just want to pretend like they're cooler than what they are. And are you really a sports fan if you sneak away from the action for a quickie? Just sayin.... Of all these things, I’ve sneaked into a better seat, caught a puck, and painted my face. That’s out of fourteen possible items, including those listed above. Now I feel like I need to play a big game of “I Never” with all of you…. Have you stolen merchandise from a shop? Used a racial slur against a player or fan? Cheered an opposing player’s injury? Heckled a ref or ump? Snuck in without paying? How many more weeks until spring training?

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  • Veggie Mom


    I once was thrown out of one of my daughter’s rec league basketball games for being, shall we say, a little too enthusiastic. I pretty much behave myself at professional events, though. Not like I go to many, because of the cost, but if I were to go…

  • Michelle


    Veggie Mom – You were tossed? How ummm exciting! I think we need the full story on that one. Definitely.

  • Heather


    Only 71% changed seats???? I always do.

  • Karen


    You see why I”m not into sports? Even the fans cheat, cuss, and lie their way through the games.

  • Cookie


    Does that mean you didn’t watch the Pro Bowl this weekend??

  • Gibby


    Funny stats! Having been to many football, basketball, and baseball games, I do wonder where these 7% are having sex, though. Those disgusting bathrooms? Tailgating? What am I missing?!

  • Debbie


    I’m too obsessed with those 7% who claim to be having sex. Where? When? Why?

  • Michelle


    Heather – I’m with you. I can’t believe that stat is truly that low….

    Karen – Well, you do sort of make a good point. But can’t I be held up as the beacon of a good sport and enjoy it? 😉

    Cookie – Ummm, yeah. I sorta don’t really consider that football. At 6:55 (five minutes from the end), I did an “oh. yeah. Pro Bowl today. Oh well”

    Gibby – That’s where I got stuck, too. They certainly aren’t getting any where *I’d* want to get any!

    Debbie – Join the club with Gibby and me. I feel the need to find some of those 7% and interview them.

  • Angela


    I miss it too. How many weeks until August again? LOL!

    The good news is I get a lot more done around the house when it’s not football season AND not pool weather… so I’m trying to make the most of these couple months. It’s why I’ve been practically totally absent from blogging… but I’m getting stuff done!

    Hugs and love!

  • Michelle


    Wayyyyy too long until August. I’d be good with just May though when I can spend more time outside. Congrats on getting stuff done!

  • Jamie


    I miss football too. Who’s your team(s)? Mine’s 99.9% Pittsburgh Steelers and that other teeny tiny bit is Green Bay Packers.

  • Michelle


    Jamie – We try to avoid that “P” word around here. I’m a big college football fan (Northwestern) and Vikings fan, but I’ll grant you that the Steelers are my favorite AFC team.

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