The Most Inappropriate Birthday Card Ever

March 29, 2012 by Michelle

I don’t tend to buy many birthday cards. Kid birthday cards always seem so trite to me, so instead the wee ones make them – and they love doing it. They know now that when we have a party, they get to take a piece of paper, fold it in half and create something that is meaningful to the child whose birthday they’re attending.

This past Sunday, we had a birthday party, and each of the wee ones created a card. They’ve been doing this for long enough that I don’t check the cards, especially when we’re in a hurry. They know how to make them, and they generally do a pretty good job – once I remind them to write who the card is from, that is.

Little Miss created this card. I didn’t see it until after the present was opened. I will be revising my policy going forward to include mandatory review by Mommy prior to “completion” of the cards.

Spelling/grammatical corrections have been made for my sanity.
“Dear X,
Happy birthday. Hey I’ve got a joke for you. How do you tell when when a moth farts? He flies straight for a second. I’ve got another one: What smells like banana noses(?) and is yellow? Monkey vomit. What would you (do) if you charged you? Pay him cash. (little balloon) I’m out of cash; will you take a credit card?”

Ok, so it’s a little funny. But where my sweet little six year old girl came up with those jokes…. Oh I’m not looking forward to the teenage years. Any suggestions for me?


  • Debbie

    Don't worry, by the teenage years Little Miss will just refuse to make the cards anymore. For the first time last weekend when we had a gift giving occasion, sweet Arden dug in her heels and wouldn't do it. The end of another era. I'll miss her cute little cards! None of them were as funny as Little Miss' though! LOL

  • Tara R.

    The moth one was really funny.

    Yeah, teen years should prove…. interesting.

  • Sandra

    Yes, the moth one is hilarious. I'll have to remember that one! She is one funny gal, your Little Miss!

  • Joanna Jenkins

    Well…. I'm impressed a 6 year old would write that much 🙂
    xo jj

  • Heather E

    OMG I am cracking up. She is so precious! 🙂

  • Pat

    It sounds like boy humor. Maybe she's heard the boys at her school joking around about bodily emissions. But it is funny!

  • Meghan @JaMonkey

    I swear your little ones write the funniest things!

  • septembermom

    She is too funny! Love her sense of humor.

  • Kim/reluctant renovator

    Hilarious. Yes, oversight is good. I always had/have my kids make cards. My family thinks it's because I'm cheap, but hey, any excuse for fine motor skill practice is a good one.

  • Michelle

    Debbie – I'm guessing it will be long before the teen years Little Miss will refuse to make them, but… I'm going to hold out. I love the little personal touches.

    Tara – Ummm yeah. I think I need to leave it at that.

    Sandra – She's something alright, isn't she?

    Joanna – You should see the little notes she writes to herself. It's really cute. I keep finding notebooks where she's written little things down all the time.

    Heather – She is rather precious, isn't she? Precocious, too.

    Pat – Doesn't it though? She is every first grade boy's dream! This is her personality through and through.

    Meghan – They sorta do. At least it always bring a smile to my face, right?

    Kelly – She has quite the sense of humor. She's a special kid.

    Kim – You know it! That fine motor practice is huge – and it's good to help Mister Man practice how cards work and why – ho weeds to know why we have to sign who they're from and what we should choose to draw/write for each person.

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